People have very strong opinions on the “family bed” where
parents allow children into their beds.
We did too.
Before we had Tristan, Rocky and I had discussed his
sleeping arrangements. He would not sleep
in the bed with us. We have a rock n’
play to use as a bassinet for the beginning, we have a pack n play to
transition him to once he’s a little bigger, then by 6 months we planned to
have him in his crib. His room is on the
other side of the house, and for the first few months, we wanted him in the
room with us so that we could get to him quickly if we needed to. Also, until he started sleeping through the
night, I didn't want to be stumbling across the house to get to him to feed
him.
We finally brought him home after 23 long days in the
nicu. The rock n play was ready, and so
were we. The first night came and it was
bed time. I swaddled him, put him in the
rock n play and turned it on. And he
went to sleep! For about 30
minutes.
I rocked the rock n play, I held him, I fed him, and put him
back in the rock n play, but he wasn't having it. Finally, somewhere in the wee hours of the
night, I fell asleep with him in my arms, my arms propped up and surrounded by
pillows. Night 2- Repeat. Somewhere around night 3 or 4, I realized
this: Sleep is important! Mama is not
happy and cannot function when she doesn’t get any sleep. So, I talked to Rocky and we agreed to put
him in our bed at the beginning of the night.
Let me pause to say this: We understand the risk of
SIDS. We use every precaution that we
can to make sure he is safe. We use the
Snuza Oma+ monitor, which we love. If
Rocky could recommend any one thing to new parents, this would be it. But sleep is important for Tristan too. He has to sleep in order to grow and
thrive. And this is the only way we
could make it work.
The first few nights, we propped Tristan up on the boppy,
but I didn't feel safe with it, because he would wiggle all around on it. Then, we used his concave changing pad in our
bed for a while, because we knew he wouldn’t roll out of it and it would keep
us from rolling on him. Now, he’s big
enough that he just snuggles up next to me.
And all 3 of us get sleep.
Some people say, “You do what works.” Right now, I enjoy having Tristan in our
bed. I’m away from him 12 hours each
day, and the other 12 are taken up with dinner, baths and bed time. I enjoy snuggling with him, even if he is
sleeping.
The societal “norm” makes me feel like we’re doing a bad thing. People say, “You’ll never get him out of your
bed now.” But there are other cultures
that have family beds for many years after the children are born. I slept with my parents, my brother did, and
Rocky slept with his parents. We are all
fine, functioning adults that no longer sleep with our parents. I’m sure I won’t have to go to college with
him and sleep in his bed. I hate that no
matter what decision you make, people are bound to pass judgment.
I don’t know at what point we will transition Tristan out of
our bed, and I know we will have to at some time, but right now, we do what
works! I enjoy my snuggles, and hey,
sleep is important!
