Processing

I've had a few days to process things.  It's still a roller coaster though.  Some days, hours, moments are better, some are worse.  On Friday, I shared our news with my friend, Shannon and our cousin, Leaann. I let Shannon read my blog before I posted it, so she knew when she came to the house.  I had to tell Leaann.  I read, on one of the websites that I found, that people typically react to the news in the same manner that you tell them.  I try not to be upset, and overall I'm not, but it's still hard to put it into words and tell people.  Both of them responded very well and I knew they would be two of my biggest support systems that I have.

Since Thursday, I've accepted the possible diagnosis more.  There are still things that catch me off guard though.  And they sting a little.  Like Thursday afternoon, I was in the breakroom at work, and my co-worker commented that her friend was in Florida taking her child to Disney World.  Then she said, "I can't wait until Everette (her son) is old enough to go places like that and enjoy it."  And my thoughts immediately went to, "My child may never be able to fully enjoy something like that, or at least not when it's age appropriate."  Then another friend has told me all about the sports her daughter is playing.  It's the little things like this that creep up, just when you think you're okay with everything.

And like I said, overall I am okay with everything.  It's the uncertainty that is the hardest.  I've been doing my research and have come to discover that there are soooo many different types of skeletal displasia, and there's no certainty, basically until the baby is born, what exactly his diagnosis will be.  I just want him to be as healthy as possible, with as few complications as possible.  I've accepted that he may be little, and I can deal with that.  I just hope and pray (and worry) that there aren't any additional complications. 

My doctor responded to one of my questions I emailed her, and she sent me his measurement percentages from the ultrasound in October, and from the one this past week.  I know I'm not a doctor, and nothing is certain, and sometimes these things randomly change and babies are born with no issues that were suspected while in utero... but based on the measurements, I feel like we should expect some form of achondroplasia. 

Rocky is basically, I think, avoiding everything until our next appointment on the 23rd.  I feel like that is sooooo far away!  I hate having to wait that long to know something.  I printed off a booklet that I found on a great website, and it was very helpful for me.  I gave it to him, and he said, "Why are you looking at this stuff now?  We don't know anything."  He has kept himself very busy since Thursday night, and we haven't really had a chance to talk more about things.  I haven't even shared the measurements from my doctor with him yet.  I know each person handles, reacts and processes things differently.  I just wish we were at the same point in the processing as each other.  I think it might would be a little easier. 

I've also been struggling with how and when to tell our families.  I want to tell mine now, just so I can get it off my mind and they can begin the processing also.  But, a part of me doesn't want to say anything until after the next appointment, until we have a little more certainty.  Then, I struggle, because that is 2 days before Christmas, and we may not see some of them until Christmas day.  Do I want to share that news on Christmas day?

I know I've got to take it one day at a time, but sometimes that's easier said than done.