TTC-
We started TTC on June 20. I had my IUD removed on June 12, and hopefully this is the magic time. I’ve used opks but haven’t gotten a positive one yet. We’re still doing our part and putting in the work. My friend sent me a TTC website with all kinds of common TTC abbreviations. I laughed when I read that SO stands for Sex Olympics. When we started TTC, I texted Rocky, “You have now entered the Sex Olympics!” We now call it “The Olympics” haha! Anything before the week of (what we thought would be ovulation) is “spring training”, the week of ovulation is “qualifying” and ovulation time is “the event!” We’re cheesy, I know. You may as well grab some crackers for all that cheese!
Fingers crossed!
We finally got a positive opk on June 30 (day 19), which was later than I had expected. We had even talked about not trying any more for the month, since I was sure we had either missed the O-day or had gotten it right and we just unaware. So, more Olympics for a few more days!
Two Week Wait-
They should really call it “Cruel and Unusual Punishment” or “Torture.” Yeah, those titles would be more fitting. I HATE waiting. I’m NOT patient when it comes to stuff like that. I mean, I’ve been known to give gifts early, just because I can’t stand the suspense! It’s killing me! But I’m trying not to stress… yeah right! But I’m TRYING not to! Work has been crazy hectic and stressful too. I want to scream at all of them, “You can’t stress me out right now!!!”
June 3, 2013
Dear Baby,
I don’t even know if you exist yet. I hope that you do. And I love you already. I can’t express the love, joy, excitement, nervousness- well, all of the emotions that I have- right now. I’m very hopeful that soon we will find out the news that you will be joining our family. Your daddy and I want you so badly and love you sooo sooo much!
Love,
Mama
Wow… it felt really weird typing “Mama” there. Fingers crossed!
June 4- Rocky went to help some friends cut wood. I’ve already planned on how I’m going to tell him we’re pregnant, when we get a positive test. Whether it’s this month, or in a year. I’ve asked if he wants to know when I test, and he said he doesn’t care. So I’m going to spare him all of the negatives (I mean, do I really want him to know how test crazy I am!?) He loves music. So, I’ve thought of a bunch of different songs that talk about pregnancy or babies and I’m going to make a compilation of them to play for him. I put together, “Two Pink Lines” by Eric Church, “Laughed Until We Cried” by Jason Aldean, “I Thought I Loved You Then” by Brad Paisley and “Pretty Little Girl” by Kip Moore. I only used about 30 seconds or so from each song. Now… to wait some more!
What Does That Mean?-
I’m over-analyzing everything about my body. Was that a cramp? What was that? Are my boobs sore? They may be a little sore…. Maybe?! It’s not like noticeable sore… but maybe. Or at least, I’m hopeful.
June 5- cloudy urine and I drink mostly water. What does that mean? Is my cervix low? Geez… Everything I read says, “some people cramp, some people don’t; some people spot, some people don’t; some people have a low cervix, some people have a high cervix; blah freaking blah!! I want to KNOW!!!
June 6- Still cloudy urine. Is that a sign? To hell with this waiting, I’m testing! Big Fat Negative (BFN). But it’s early… Way early. Like I probably just wasted money on a test early. Oh well. We’re going camping… at least that will keep my mind occupied until tomorrow evening. Is that lower back pain? Maybe… Ugh… all of these “signs” are possible AF (aunt flow) signs too. This sucks! For those people that say, “I just KNEW I was pregnant… I don’t know how to explain it, I just had a feeling.” Screw you! I think you’re lying. I don’t JUST KNOW anything! Except that I hate waiting!
June 7- Eff sleeping in the back of a suburban with only a sleeping bag under you. We should have brought the foam!!! My back is KILLING me!!! I still don’t feel any different… I’m tired because I didn’t sleep worth ANYTHING last night!
June 8- Last night I dreamed that I got a BFP (big fat positive) on a pregnancy test!!! Aghhh… I can’t wait to test this morning!!!! BFN. But it’s still early…. Still, really too early. But I dreamed it!!! Ugh! See… I told you it should be called torture. I wonder if it’s a baby in there. My back is KILLING me! I can’t believe I let Rocky talk me into not taking that foam to sleep on.
June 9- Eff sleeping now, too. Another dream. This one was that AF was coming. Boo. I had planned to wait until tomorrow to test again. I wake up. Lay in bed for about 5-7 minutes debating on whether or not to test. I have 2 test left right now. I can use one today, and one tomorrow. I can go to Walmart tomorrow evening after work. I can’t go today, because I have to teach Zumba. I will use my last prenatal vitamin today too. So, I’ll need to go to Walmart anyway. It will work out… one test today, one test tomorrow, go to Walmart to buy more tests, because it’s still too early!!! Why am I even testing? Because I’m neurotic. And it will bug me all day if I don’t. I will wonder at 8:00 tonight, “what if I am… why didn’t I test??!?”
Here goes nothing. I’m not going to obsess over this. It takes 3 minutes for the test to “read.” I do it. Start my bath water, pull my hair up, get my towel ready, check my phone. 3 minutes. THE L-O-N-G-E-S-T three minutes ever! It’s finally been three minutes… I look at the test. Now, this was the cheap 88 cent Walmart test. Everyone says they work exactly the same, don’t waste your money on the expensive ones. Is that a line? That faint little shadow looking part right there? Maybe!!! Maybe??? I’m not sure! I held it in this light. I turned an extra light on. It COULD be a line. Why, oh why did I use the cheap test??! I have a first response test in the closet!!! And I’ve already thrown out my first morning pee!
I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of juice. Surely I could muster up just enough pee to use the other test. But it wasn’t “first morning” pee. I drank my juice and I got out and had the tiniest amount of pee and stuck that sucker down in it for 5 seconds. I put the top back on. And had to wait again. And I thought the first 3 minute wait of the day was agony. This was absolutely insane torture. I didn’t want Rocky to walk in the bathroom and see the tests without me looking at the new one first. I needed to hide them! If he came in there, he would need to go in the closet to get stuff to get ready. Where was I going to put them?! Under the cabinet! We just keep cleaning stuff down there… he wouldn’t look there for anything. So, I jumped in the tub and took THE QUICKEST bath I’ve ever taken. I didn’t want to sit there WATCHING the test for 3 minutes. I questioned if I should run put clothes on first, or if I should just look at the test. Once I looked, I knew if it was positive, I wouldn’t be able to compose myself to go get clothes and THEN tell Rocky.
I looked.
Shut the front door!!! There is a second pink line! Not a hint of a line! It’s light, but there’s a FREAKING LINE!!!
Enter Rocky. He walked in to the bathroom unexpectedly! I was in shock… I had tears in my eyes and I needed a second to process it. And I didn’t have his song ready!!! So, I leaned forward, trying to obscure his view of the test laying on the counter, and said, “Can you give me a minute?!” He said, “Uh, yeah.” And walked off. I’m freaking out! Holy wow. I don’t believe it! This is the first month TTC! It can’t be. Really??!? There’s a second line!!!!
My hands were shaking so bad, I could hardly get my damn phone to come on, more less open the music and find the song. I finally got it. I opened the door and said, “You can come in now.” And I waited. Where is he??!? What the heck is he doing?! “Did you hear me? You can come in now!” He yelled back, “Yeah, I heard you. Okay.” Still no Rocky. “What are you doing??!?” Then he walks naked across the living room, “Looking for boxers!” “Well come here, I’ve got something I want you to hear. No wait, go and get your boxers first… then come here and listen to this!” So, about 45 seconds later, which felt like 45 minutes, he came in. I pushed play. Eric Church sang, “Sitting around waiting on two pink lines.” It didn’t even make it to the second song of the compilation that I made. He smiled… looked at me kinda funny… and said, “What? No way!!! No wayyyy!!!! This soon??!” I couldn’t even respond!!! I nodded my head, tears streaming down my face. He grabbed me and hugged me. I cried harder. He beamed from ear to ear. He said, “Well congratulations babe!” Then he asked, “Are you sure?!” I said, “Yeah, and I can show you.” I reached for the test but couldn’t even hold it still enough for him to see. I had to hand it to him for him to look at. He said, “Wow!”
He had to be at work 30 minutes earlier than normal that morning. He was leaving and he had already taken a few things out to his truck. He came back in and couldn’t find his keys… then he said, “They’re in the truck already! Look at what you’ve done to me!!!” I said, “You?! Imagine how I feel! I don’t even know how I’m going to function today!” I finally stopped shaking and got myself together for work.
I got to work and put off calling the doctor. What would they say? What if for some reason it wasn’t really a positive? I wanted to enjoy my high just a little longer. Finally, my lunch break was almost over, and I called. The receptionist said, “Okay, do you want to come today or tomorrow?” Today or tomorrow? What? Already? She told me they would just do a blood test for confirmation. 3:30 was the latest I could go any day, and they had a 3:30 time available that day. So I scheduled my appointment.
I ended up telling one girl I work with, because she knew we were TT C and she went to the same doctor when she had her son a year ago. I didn’t know what to expect, and I had a few questions. I had to ask someone! She said it will be the longest wait of your life. Seriously… this waiting thing again? You’re kidding me, right? But she said, “If it’s positive, they’ll bring you a bag full of goodies with vitamins and all kinds of stuff in it!” She told me about when she went, and to relax, that I would be fine… but I better text her when I know something!
3:15 finally came and it was time to leave work. I was excited and filled with dread all at the same time. It wouldn’t say no… would it? No… it couldn’t… Right?! Right… urine tests show later than blood tests, and if my test this morning was positive, this one has to be too…. Right?
I got to the doctor’s office and within 5 minutes they called me back. The woman was very nice, and very gentle. I’m not a blood giver. And it usually involves a near-fainting experience on my behalf. I did very well! Didn’t even get light headed. Then she sent me to the lab waiting room… to WAIT… again! This waiting is for the birds!
Another couple came in and the girl went back into the lab. The man sat there in the waiting room with me. After what seemed like an eternity, my lab girl came out with a bag in her hand. SHE HAD A BAG IN HER HAND!!! I couldn’t help but to smile! She called me into the hall way and said, “It’s confirmed. You’re pregnant!!!” I can’t put into words the excitement and emotion that I felt right then! I was so excited! She asked if I needed any vitamins and told me the girl at the check out would schedule my next appointment and tell me my due date. MY DUE DATE!!! Wow. I have a due date. I’m pregnant!
The girl at the counter informed me that my due date is March 19, 2014 and scheduled my next two appointments. And then I left. Seriously? That’s it? I’m bringing a child into this world and it’s okay to… just leave? I’m responsible for another life now! It’s not just me anymore. Ever again. And I just left. I called Rocky as soon as I got to my car. I said, “How does March 19 sound to have a baby?” He was still in shock!
July 9, 2013
Dear Baby,
It’s official! You exist! I’m so excited I can’t stand it! You’re all I think about. I’ve wondered if you’ll be a boy or a girl, what you will look like- what color eyes and hair you will have- what you will act like. When will I feel you move? I’ve wondered what your name will be. Will it be something we’ve already mentioned and like, or will we come up with something completely new? What will you be when you grow up? No matter what you decide, I know I will be proud of you. I will always be your biggest supporter and your number one fan. I already love you to pieces!
Love,
Mama
No comments:
Post a Comment