Societal Misconceptions

This is my 5th post in 8 weeks, since Tristan was born.  I've written so many entries in my head but just haven't had the time to sit down and type them out.  As a matter of fact, I'm risking losing a nap opportunity to write this one.  A nap is a luxury, you say?  Why yes, yes it is... especially to a mom that went to bed at 11:00, woke up at 2:30, 5:00 and 7:00 before finally getting up for the day at 9:30.

But that leads me to what's been heavily on my mind today- what society expects of new moms.  And it makes me angry!

1-  Openly welcome all visitors that want to come into your home with a warm smile and allow them to stay as long as possible.  Never mind the fact that you have to feed the baby, may be breast feeding and may be modest and don't want your boobs exposed to the entire free world.  Never mind the fact that you may have to pump, which takes 30 minutes each time.  Never mind that the baby eats every 2 hours or so.  Never mind the fact that the baby may be sleeping.  Never mind the fact that you'd probably rather be sleeping!  What do you mean, you have other things to do?!  You should sit around and entertain these people that obviously have nothing better to do with their time than to sit at your house for hours on end!

2- Maintain a clean house.  When are you supposed to get the house cleaned?  Surely not while you're entertaining the visitors mentioned above.  Or not when you're feeding the baby.  Or not when you're pumping.  Perhaps while everyone else is sleeping at night.  But don't vacuum then, it will wake them up!

3- Send cheerful thank you notes to everyone that came to the shower or did something nice for you.  Nope, saying thank you isn't enough these days.  Sending a personal text or phone call isn't either.  You have to actually sit down and write out a card and mail it.  Oh, it will take all of the money you got from the shower to cover the postage to send all of them?  No big deal.  It's not like you had anything else you needed that money for.  It doesn't matter how long you or your child spent in the hospital, or how long it took you to recover, or that you're not settled into a routine from the biggest life changing even you've ever gone through.  Thank you cards are a must!  How else will people know that you're appreciative?  Even though they know you well enough to get you a gift or to perform an act of kindness, they don't know you well enough to know that you appreciate it without you sending them a card!

4- Personally call each and every family member that may have an interest in you or the baby at least every other day and update them on the status of everyone.  Typing periodic updates with one hand on your phone at 2 am while you pump and rock a baby to sleep is not sufficient!  They need to hear from you!  They need to hear your voice!  And don't try to tell them that you didn't have an extra hand to answer the phone when they called you!  That's just rude!

5- Send pictures or cute birth announcements to everyone that you know.  What do you mean, you haven't had time to create birth announcements?  You haven't printed any pictures for yourself yet?  Well what in the world have you been doing with all of your time?  Get on that right now!!  And no, going on facebook to get which pictures they like and print them themselves IS NOT an acceptable option.  Get them their pictures!!!

6- Get back to your pre-pregnancy weight and body quickly.  How, you ask?  Well how not... when do you possibly have time to eat while doing all of the above?  There's your answer- just don't eat!  You'll surely lose the baby weight when you skip meals!  Oh, but wait... you've got to eat enough to keep your milk supply up.  Okay, only eat at 3 am after you have fed and rocked the baby to sleep, pumped and vacuumed the floor.  Sleep for yourself is overrated anyway!

7- Happily go back to work 6-8 weeks after you had the baby.  What do you mean you're not in a routine yet?  What have you been doing with all of your time?  What do you mean your baby isn't ready yet?  They don't need their moms 24/7- how else will they learn to be independent?  And surely after all of this time sitting at home with the baby, with nothing to do, you're ready to get back to work!  You can't possibly want to spend more time with someone that can't even engage in a conversation with you!

Okay, so this post is a little facetious, but I just don't understand why these expectations are put on new moms.  I have felt like I've been held to each of these unrealistic expectations.  And I blame society.  I don't understand how people, especially people with children or grandchildren, can expect these things of a new mother.

So, what HAVE I been doing with all of this "free" time that I've had?  Let's see...

Today was the second time I've swept the floors since we brought Tristan home from the hospital.  At first I was embarrassed to write that in a blog... but then I thought, that's a huge accomplishment!  I need to tell the world!!!

I have went on 2 walks and worked out once!  I consider those huge accomplishments!

Rocky is working full time and still participating in his hobbies.

None of us have gone hungry.

None of us have worn dirty clothes or eaten off of dirty dishes.

We all bathe at least a few times a week.  Woo hoo!  That's a bonus!  Haha!

We have gone to multiple doctor's appointments.

We have had lots of visitors.

I've even eaten lunch out 3 times and dinner out once!  Score for me, no dirty dishes to clean!

I've held and rocked and loved a new baby.  I've sang and read to Tristan.  I've laid on the floor with him while he's done tummy time.  I've comforted him when his belly was hurting because of gas.  I've changed diapers, washed and made bottles.  I've administered medicines.  I spent 23 days going to the hospital every day to be by his side.  I've bought groceries.  I've even bought myself a few shirts because nothing fit this new post pregnant body that I'm sporting these days.

I just hate that these "expectations" put on us usually come from others that have been in our shoes before.  They should understand.  They should encourage you to do the important things for your child, instead of focusing on the nonsense that they make so "important."  Well, I've decided, I'm not giving in to these expectations.  If something is important to me, I will make it happen.  But not because other people say that I should.

I choose to focus my time and energy on my family and myself.  I'll never get these times back or a chance to re-do them.  I'm picking what's important to ME!  And here's a glimpse of it: