It is hard to believe that we have had Tristan at home for a little over a week. It's even harder to believe that he's over 4 weeks old! His due date is Wednesday! It's hard to believe he's here already! And it's hard to believe that it's been almost a month since I blogged!
It has been wonderful having Tristan at home. I don't sleep much, but that isn't his fault. I know they say new mommies don't get any sleep, but it's particularly hard when you have to wake up to feed the baby, then spend about an extra 45 minutes to an hour to pump also. Thank goodness for the weekends, because Rocky is a HUGE help! He usually gets up with him in the mornings and lets me sleep in some.
The other reason that I haven't been sleeping much is because when we left the hospital, they sent us home with Similac Neosure to add to my breast milk for extra calories. With Tristan being a preemie, he burns so many calories eating, being awake, just living... that he needs extra. When he was in the NICU, they had him on what they called Human Milk Fortifier, so the Similac was new. And it did not agree with his tummy. He has been having terrible gas pains and uncomfortableness all week. Rocky and I finally decided to take him off of it on Wednesday. It can take up to a week for it to get out of his system. At his weight check today, he's up to 5 pounds 13 ounces, but he isn't gaining as much as they would like as quickly as they would like, so they gave us Gerber Good Start Gentle Ease to try. It should be better for his belly.
I hate that he isn't gaining weight like he should though. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. But motherhood has been like that so far! I've been around kids pretty much all of my life, and thought I knew enough to raise one! Now I question and second guess everything that I do, because I want to do the best for Tristan. People say to follow your instincts, but sometimes I feel like they're still developing! I know that Tristan is properly cared for, fed, clothed, in a good home and loved more than words can say... but as a mom, I still feel like I need to do more for him. I guess that feeling will never go away either!
I had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday. We should know when my labs come back if my liver is back to normal yet or not. My blood pressure is finally under control and I can come off of that medicine! Praise the lord! I was discussing my breast milk supply with Tanya and she said something that really clicked with me. She said, "Don't watch a clock, watch your baby." She told me to feed Tristan, and then pump, that way my body gets on his schedule. Not to worry about pumping every 3 hours, or for 30 minutes each time. She said to pump until my boobs feel soft, and just follow his cues. Her saying this has taken so much pressure off of me. I've actually started applying it to a lot of stuff related to being a new mom.
I have the Ibabylog app on my phone, and it has been very resourceful. Especially when we roomed in before we brought Tristan home from the NICU. They wanted to know every time he ate, for how long, how much he took; every time he had a diaper change, if it was wet, dirty or both; etc. This was a super easy way to track everything. But I became obsessed with it. I've decided to use it as a guide, but not to freak out if I miss tracking a diaper change, or a feed. As long as I KNOW that my child is dry, not hungry and that I've pumped, I'm not stressing about what the app says. I'll still use it, but just as a guide and mainly to track my pumping and what time he eats.
Speaking of pumping... I'm now concerned about hyper-lactation. I have a friend that had her baby in December and he spent 2 weeks in the NICU. She pumped every 3 hours, for 30 minutes each time, like the lactation consultants in the hospital told her to. And she now has too much supply and her son doesn't get to the hind milk, so she's forced to exclusively pump. I started looking at my numbers, and I was pumping 30-35 ounces a day, when Tristan eats about 12. I'm trying to get it more regulated to his actual needs, so that I don't have this problem too. It's still a work in progress.
I still stress about going back to work. Not only is it regular new mommy things, but work has been.... less than nice about things. Okay, they've been jerks. The guy I work for is a habitual liar, outside of all pregnancy stuff. He told everyone in the office that he was getting me flowers and coming to visit me in the hospital. I never got any flowers nor did he visit. I sent everyone in the office a message after I had Tristan. He wrote back about 2 or 3 days later. Our office manager has yet to say anything. I stopped by the office today after Tristan's doctor appointment and realized that they have taken my name off of our board that we use to check in and out of the office. And on top of everything else, one week after I had Tristan, I got a call from a woman in Human Resources at Home Office, questioning me, because someone informed them that I had been working else where while I have been out on leave. I was so flustered, that we were halfway through the conversation before I said, "The only WORK I'm doing is trying to recover from an emergency c-section and trying to get my son healthy so he can come home from the NICU! So no, I'm not working anywhere! I've had a very rough pregnancy and a traumatic birth experience!" She was shocked that I had the baby already! No one had informed them of that. I believe it was the guy that I work for, looking for a way to get rid of me, so he can hire another assistant instead of waiting for me to come back. Rocky's work has been about just as compassionate as mine has been. He didn't even get to come to the hospital to bring Tristan home. I had to do that by myself. It makes me very upset that our society in general doesn't support parents having more time with new babies, and especially that they don't understand the extra needs and challenges of preemies and NICU babies.
But we are dealing with things as they come. I'm trying not to stress about work, and am just going to deal with that when I have to, and right now, all I have to do is take care of and love on my sweet boy! We are sooo thankful to have him at home with us now! Thank you to everyone that has prayed for us along this journey! Please continue to remember us in your prayers as we help Tristan grow and stay healthy. He's still got a lot of doctor's appointments and a small surgery in his future, but for now, all is well!
Friday, March 14, 2014
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Tristan's Size
"Though he be but little, he is fierce."
We had lots of concern throughout the pregnancy about Tristan's size and the growth of his long bones. Finally, we accepted that we would not get an answer during pregnancy, but we would get clarity once he was born.
Tristan was born at 34 weeks 5 days, weighing 3 pounds 13.9 ounces, and was 18.11 inches long. He's a small guy! We were told that they would do chromosomal testing and skeletal xrays once he was born to determine if he had a skeletal dysplasia or not. The xrays were completed and the doctors acknowledged that yes, his long bones were short, but he is proportionately short. They are not concerned with a skeletal dysplasia. They did not do chromosomal testing after the got the xrays back. They tested for CMV, a virus that could cause growth delays, and it came back negative. The doctors think that he is just a small baby.
Tanya had my placenta sent off to the lab after delivery. There were no issues, other than the fact that it was TINY. It was probably 1/4 the size of a normal placenta at his gestational age. He had also managed to tie a knot in the umbilical cord, so they think that his size is most likely because he wasn't getting enough nutrition from the placenta.
I was told that I could demand to have the chromosomal testing, or that we could further explore it with his pediatrician after he is discharged from the hospital. Right now, Tristan seems perfect to us, and Rocky and I are just going to leave things as they are and thank God for the wonderful little miracle that he has given us.
We had lots of concern throughout the pregnancy about Tristan's size and the growth of his long bones. Finally, we accepted that we would not get an answer during pregnancy, but we would get clarity once he was born.
Tristan was born at 34 weeks 5 days, weighing 3 pounds 13.9 ounces, and was 18.11 inches long. He's a small guy! We were told that they would do chromosomal testing and skeletal xrays once he was born to determine if he had a skeletal dysplasia or not. The xrays were completed and the doctors acknowledged that yes, his long bones were short, but he is proportionately short. They are not concerned with a skeletal dysplasia. They did not do chromosomal testing after the got the xrays back. They tested for CMV, a virus that could cause growth delays, and it came back negative. The doctors think that he is just a small baby.
Tanya had my placenta sent off to the lab after delivery. There were no issues, other than the fact that it was TINY. It was probably 1/4 the size of a normal placenta at his gestational age. He had also managed to tie a knot in the umbilical cord, so they think that his size is most likely because he wasn't getting enough nutrition from the placenta.
I was told that I could demand to have the chromosomal testing, or that we could further explore it with his pediatrician after he is discharged from the hospital. Right now, Tristan seems perfect to us, and Rocky and I are just going to leave things as they are and thank God for the wonderful little miracle that he has given us.
Friday, February 21, 2014
Tristan Lewis Dix
Tristan Lewis Dix made his appearance in this world on Monday, February 10, 2014.
This was earlier than we expected, but we knew that it could really be any day. I was 34 weeks 5 days pregnant. We had done the steroid shots for his lungs in case of an early arrival. My doctor had said that if we made it to 34 weeks, with the shots, hopefully we would avoid NICU time. We had met our first goal of 34 weeks. Things should be good!
Monday morning, I woke up around 5 am to use the bathroom, which was normal. I shuffled to the bathroom and quickly back to my bed, hoping to fall back asleep. I tossed and turned for a few minutes, which was also my new normal. Then my chest started hurting. I had battled Intrahepatic Cholestasis in Pregnancy and Pre-Eclampsia for about a month now, along with heart burn and indigestion. This was usually due to either indigestion or my blood pressure. So, I took a Zantac and checked my blood pressure. It was high- 152/104. My doctor didn't like my bottom number over 95. So, I took my blood pressure medicine and ran a warm bath. These were my go-to's to get it back down. Rocky was getting ready for work. Since these things usually helped lower it, I told him to go ahead and go to work, but to keep his phone on and answer no matter what, if I called. After my bath, I rested for 30 minutes and checked my bp again. I was surprised when it was 171/89, since these activities usually lowered it quite a bit. I tried to rest a little more, but my chest kept hurting me and I felt like I needed to get it checked out. At 7:41, I checked it again and texted Rocky to come home. It was 198/120! I texted my doctor and she told me to be at the office at 9:00, instead of for my regular appointment at 1:30. We threw some bags together in about 5 minutes and were on the way as soon as he got home.
During the ride to the office, I was in excruciating pain. I couldn't sit still. I felt like I was going to get sick. I told Rocky that something was really wrong, and that they were going to have to do something to fix it. When I got to the doctor's office, Tanya wasn't in yet, but had left instructions for her nurse to take my vitals and call her with them. The nurse came back to the room and told us Tanya would meet us at maternity admissions at the hospital. I sat in the admissions waiting room for probably 5-10 minutes, but it felt like hours because of the pain I was in. They took me back through a different area than when I was admitted to ante-natal a week ago. They checked my weight, blood pressure and drew blood for labs.
Tanya came to my room, and upon her entering, I heard her say to someone outside the room, "She has severe HELLP syndrome." I'd read about HELLP while researching pre-eclampsia, but I didn't know enough about it to really know what it meant. I'm glad now, at that point, that I didn't know more. When Tanya came in, she said, "Dr. Taavon is in surgery right now. He'll be done in about 30 minutes, and we will have a baby in about 45 minutes." I looked at Rocky and said, "Start calling people."
He called our parents, my brother and his cousin, and we sent text messages to our friends. Oh my goodness, we were about to be parents!
The nurse had me drink this terrible "drink" that is supposed to help reduce the acid in your stomach for the surgery. As soon as I got it down, it came right back up. They didn't seem too concerned about it though, and they got me ready to wheel me back to the OR.
Everything else went pretty quickly, except for how long it took them to let Rocky come back. Tanya came back and was with me the whole time. She told me that Rocky looked more nervous than I did. Surprisingly, I felt very calm about everything. I knew I was in good hands. The spinal didn't hurt at all. They finally got everything ready and let Rocky come back. He sat by my head and I remember us talking through the whole procedure. I don't really remember what we talked about, but our conversation was very normal and light hearted, especially for what was going on behind that blue sheet.
They finally said, "He's out, you can come over here dad." All I wanted to do was see him!!! Everything sounded like it was going well, especially when Tristan was SCREAMING! I knew that was a good thing! Finally, Rocky brought him over to me. The tears flowed down my face, but I tried so hard not to cry, because I didn't want the tears to blur my vision and me not be able to see him. He was absolutely gorgeous! My son was here, and he is perfect.
They told me that they had to take him to the NICU and that I would get to see him again after recovery. Before I knew it, they had wheeled me into recovery, and all of the nurses were talking about how well I was doing. I kept asking when I could see Tristan again, and they said as soon as I proved that I could move my legs, they would take me to a room, and I could see him on the way. So, I moved my legs. I could move the right one sooner than the left, but it wasn't long. Rocky came back to see me and told me that Tristan was wonderful. He told me his weight, and the nurse looked up all of his stats for me. He was born at 12:23 pm, weighed 3 pounds 13.9 ounces and was 18.11 inches long, and has a head full of dark hair!
After I left recovery, they rolled my bed into the NICU so I could see my sweet baby boy. Words cannot express how wonderful he is.
I had to go to ICU because they put me on magnesium, trying to get my body healthy again. I was in ICU from Monday afternoon until Wednesday afternoon. On Tuesday, Tanya told me that my body was worse than it was on Monday. All of my levels were more elevated and just not good. She said that we did everything just in time, and had we waited any longer, it would have been very dangerous for me and for Tristan. It was Wednesday before I looked up more information on HELLP syndrome, and realized that had we waited longer, my organs would have started shutting down.
There was so much that happened so quickly, and I was on the magnesium, which made me feel... just weird- is the only way I can describe it. I try to remember all of the details and everything that happened, but some stuff has left me already.
Tristan was making improvements daily and doing better, but I quickly realized that he would not be going home with us when we left. And the emotional roller coaster started. I cried every single day... happy tears, sad tears, scared tears, helpless tears, hopeful tears. I still cry daily, for one reason or another. But it's getting better. On Wednesday, a huge snow storm began. They were calling for 8-12 inches, and we do not get that kind of weather here in NC. Rocky ran home to get a few things, take care of the dogs, and get back before the weather got too bad. Tanya told me that I would not be discharged on Thursday, but most likely on Friday.
We sat in the NICU, held Tristan and watched it snow. It was as peaceful as the situation could call for. My little family, all together, getting snowed in. The only thing that would have been better would have been doing it from our living room.
On Friday, I was discharged. This may have possibly been the hardest day of my life. I had to walk out of the hospital without my baby, while he stayed. Rocky, my brother and I went out for dinner. I tried my best to have a "normal" time
Each day gets a little better. Especially since I see Tristan doing so well and making so many improvements. I truly cherish every minute that I get to hold him and spend with him. Having him lay on my chest is my absolute favorite thing in the whole world.
Rocky and I cannot wait to have our sweet boy home with us and to start our lives as a family, all together.
This was earlier than we expected, but we knew that it could really be any day. I was 34 weeks 5 days pregnant. We had done the steroid shots for his lungs in case of an early arrival. My doctor had said that if we made it to 34 weeks, with the shots, hopefully we would avoid NICU time. We had met our first goal of 34 weeks. Things should be good!
Monday morning, I woke up around 5 am to use the bathroom, which was normal. I shuffled to the bathroom and quickly back to my bed, hoping to fall back asleep. I tossed and turned for a few minutes, which was also my new normal. Then my chest started hurting. I had battled Intrahepatic Cholestasis in Pregnancy and Pre-Eclampsia for about a month now, along with heart burn and indigestion. This was usually due to either indigestion or my blood pressure. So, I took a Zantac and checked my blood pressure. It was high- 152/104. My doctor didn't like my bottom number over 95. So, I took my blood pressure medicine and ran a warm bath. These were my go-to's to get it back down. Rocky was getting ready for work. Since these things usually helped lower it, I told him to go ahead and go to work, but to keep his phone on and answer no matter what, if I called. After my bath, I rested for 30 minutes and checked my bp again. I was surprised when it was 171/89, since these activities usually lowered it quite a bit. I tried to rest a little more, but my chest kept hurting me and I felt like I needed to get it checked out. At 7:41, I checked it again and texted Rocky to come home. It was 198/120! I texted my doctor and she told me to be at the office at 9:00, instead of for my regular appointment at 1:30. We threw some bags together in about 5 minutes and were on the way as soon as he got home.
During the ride to the office, I was in excruciating pain. I couldn't sit still. I felt like I was going to get sick. I told Rocky that something was really wrong, and that they were going to have to do something to fix it. When I got to the doctor's office, Tanya wasn't in yet, but had left instructions for her nurse to take my vitals and call her with them. The nurse came back to the room and told us Tanya would meet us at maternity admissions at the hospital. I sat in the admissions waiting room for probably 5-10 minutes, but it felt like hours because of the pain I was in. They took me back through a different area than when I was admitted to ante-natal a week ago. They checked my weight, blood pressure and drew blood for labs.
Tanya came to my room, and upon her entering, I heard her say to someone outside the room, "She has severe HELLP syndrome." I'd read about HELLP while researching pre-eclampsia, but I didn't know enough about it to really know what it meant. I'm glad now, at that point, that I didn't know more. When Tanya came in, she said, "Dr. Taavon is in surgery right now. He'll be done in about 30 minutes, and we will have a baby in about 45 minutes." I looked at Rocky and said, "Start calling people."
He called our parents, my brother and his cousin, and we sent text messages to our friends. Oh my goodness, we were about to be parents!
The nurse had me drink this terrible "drink" that is supposed to help reduce the acid in your stomach for the surgery. As soon as I got it down, it came right back up. They didn't seem too concerned about it though, and they got me ready to wheel me back to the OR.
Everything else went pretty quickly, except for how long it took them to let Rocky come back. Tanya came back and was with me the whole time. She told me that Rocky looked more nervous than I did. Surprisingly, I felt very calm about everything. I knew I was in good hands. The spinal didn't hurt at all. They finally got everything ready and let Rocky come back. He sat by my head and I remember us talking through the whole procedure. I don't really remember what we talked about, but our conversation was very normal and light hearted, especially for what was going on behind that blue sheet.
They finally said, "He's out, you can come over here dad." All I wanted to do was see him!!! Everything sounded like it was going well, especially when Tristan was SCREAMING! I knew that was a good thing! Finally, Rocky brought him over to me. The tears flowed down my face, but I tried so hard not to cry, because I didn't want the tears to blur my vision and me not be able to see him. He was absolutely gorgeous! My son was here, and he is perfect.
They told me that they had to take him to the NICU and that I would get to see him again after recovery. Before I knew it, they had wheeled me into recovery, and all of the nurses were talking about how well I was doing. I kept asking when I could see Tristan again, and they said as soon as I proved that I could move my legs, they would take me to a room, and I could see him on the way. So, I moved my legs. I could move the right one sooner than the left, but it wasn't long. Rocky came back to see me and told me that Tristan was wonderful. He told me his weight, and the nurse looked up all of his stats for me. He was born at 12:23 pm, weighed 3 pounds 13.9 ounces and was 18.11 inches long, and has a head full of dark hair!
After I left recovery, they rolled my bed into the NICU so I could see my sweet baby boy. Words cannot express how wonderful he is.
I had to go to ICU because they put me on magnesium, trying to get my body healthy again. I was in ICU from Monday afternoon until Wednesday afternoon. On Tuesday, Tanya told me that my body was worse than it was on Monday. All of my levels were more elevated and just not good. She said that we did everything just in time, and had we waited any longer, it would have been very dangerous for me and for Tristan. It was Wednesday before I looked up more information on HELLP syndrome, and realized that had we waited longer, my organs would have started shutting down.
There was so much that happened so quickly, and I was on the magnesium, which made me feel... just weird- is the only way I can describe it. I try to remember all of the details and everything that happened, but some stuff has left me already.
Tristan was making improvements daily and doing better, but I quickly realized that he would not be going home with us when we left. And the emotional roller coaster started. I cried every single day... happy tears, sad tears, scared tears, helpless tears, hopeful tears. I still cry daily, for one reason or another. But it's getting better. On Wednesday, a huge snow storm began. They were calling for 8-12 inches, and we do not get that kind of weather here in NC. Rocky ran home to get a few things, take care of the dogs, and get back before the weather got too bad. Tanya told me that I would not be discharged on Thursday, but most likely on Friday.
We sat in the NICU, held Tristan and watched it snow. It was as peaceful as the situation could call for. My little family, all together, getting snowed in. The only thing that would have been better would have been doing it from our living room.
On Friday, I was discharged. This may have possibly been the hardest day of my life. I had to walk out of the hospital without my baby, while he stayed. Rocky, my brother and I went out for dinner. I tried my best to have a "normal" time
Each day gets a little better. Especially since I see Tristan doing so well and making so many improvements. I truly cherish every minute that I get to hold him and spend with him. Having him lay on my chest is my absolute favorite thing in the whole world.
Rocky and I cannot wait to have our sweet boy home with us and to start our lives as a family, all together.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Mile 11
Today, my emotions have been in full force. Everything is making me cry. Even the good stuff! Maybe it's everything that I've experienced, all built up.
I started thinking about this pregnancy and comparing it to my half marathon that I ran almost a year ago. I've made it to Mile 11. Less than a 5k left. I've already ran over 3 5k's so far in this race... surely I have one more left in me.
Everyone has told me, all along, how good I am doing through this pregnancy. I truly appreciate those comments, but honestly, until today, I haven't felt like I've done much. Other than research, try to stay positive and try to hold myself together, I felt like I haven't done anything. I felt like I can't make my body do what it needs to do for this baby. But today, those thoughts have changed. I HAVE researched and tried to do everything possible that is best for this baby. I HAVE held it together. I HAVE learned strength and patience and perseverance through this pregnancy, although I thought I already had plenty of each. I have made it to Mile 11 of this race.
I say Mile 11, because I remember my half marathon like it was just yesterday, even though it was almost a year ago. You can read all of my lengthy details of my race recap in my old blog here. At Mile 11, I knew I was almost at the end. We came upon this older lady that was singing out loud. She apologized for being crazy and singing but said it helped her. My friend, Shannon, told her that she liked her singing, and the woman broke out into "We Are the Champions." It was such a powerful few moments of the race. We joined in signing with her. Right around that point, we rounded our last corner and knew we were on the last stretch of the race, and it was all straight ahead from there.
I thought about this comparison with this pregnancy today while I was in the shower. I sang, "We Are the Champions" and cried all at the same time. I have made it this far! We're not sure how many more days we will make it... We're hoping for between 36 and 37 weeks, but we've made it this far! I don't know if this race will end at 37 weeks or sooner, but I've made it to the ever gratifying Mile 11!
We will have a baby in 21 days or less, and as excited as I am, it still seems very surreal at times. I want him to stay in as long as possible, but I'm ready to meet this sweet boy! Our end is just up ahead.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Hotel Hospital
Patience is a virtue... or some crap like that! I've said this before, and I'll say it again. I've always heard that you shouldn't pray for patience because God doesn't grant patience; he gives you trials to build patience. Well... God, that wasn't me!!! Wrong person!!! I didn't pray for patience!
But, wow, has this pregnancy tried to teach me patience! Maybe that means I'm going to need more than what I had once Tristan gets here. I'm gonna have my hands full! Haha!
So, I had my regular 2nd doctor's appointment of the week on Friday. Things were looking good, until they took my blood pressure. It was 154/105. Not good. They don't like for the bottom number to be over 100. The nurse said she would re-take it at the end of my non-stress test and see if it had gone down. Nope, 154/114. I knew it had been up since last weekend, but I hadn't seen it this high, and it hasn't been this high at any of my appointments. So, after seeing Tanya, she told me to go home, grab some lunch and my stuff, and come on back to the hospital. I asked if this was for the duration of the pregnancy, or just a day or two. She said she didn't know.
When I got here on Friday, the gave me a gown and a cloth to wipe my belly, just in case I had to have a c-section. Wow...it got real. I mean, I've known the whole time that this was an option... but I wasn't planning on it right then. Sometimes, even though I feel Tristan move, and see my belly getting big, and the nursery is (mostly) ready, it is still very surreal that very soon, we will have a baby. Some fear set in right then.
Once I got settled, they drew blood for the bile acid test. This is one of the most important ones with cholestasis. We had already done regular labs at the office that morning. They hooked me up to monitors to keep an eye on Tristan's heart rate, and they started me on a low dose of blood pressure medicine. Then, we waited for lab results. And waited, and waited. Oh, by the way, my wonderful friend, Marissa gave me this tip... if you're in the hospital for any amount of time, ask for the egg crate thing for the mattress! It really does help! She was a life saver!
Saturday was spent mostly waiting. I saw Dr. Taavon Saturday morning, but he didn't really have anything to update me on. Through Saturday, they noticed the bp meds were working too well and my bp was getting too low, so I think they lessened how much they were giving me. We THOUGHT we would have bile acid results back and that we would get to see Tanya to hopefully discuss our plan. More of that patience building on Saturday. My dad and his girlfriend, and our cousin came to visit on Saturday (although I didn't get to see her, because she brought her 18 month old with her and they wouldn't let her in due to flu season), but it was otherwise fairly uneventful. We did finally get called down for an ultrasound, which I THOUGHT was going to be our growth ultrasound. The tech was clueless. I may or may not have called her Wack-a-do. I hate to be mean, but I seriously don't know if she could have told me her name if I had asked her to. I asked if she could give me his foot measurement, because there is a correlation between the length of the foot and the length of the femur in the leg, in skeletal dysplaisas. She didn't know how to measure the foot. Then she said that I wasn't there for a growth ultrasound. She called Tanya to double check. Tanya WAS going to have her do all measurements, but when she told Tanya that she had never measured arm bones and wasn't sure how to, but she could try... Tanya just told her never mind. So, hopefully today (Monday) I will get to see the specialists again and get the growth ultrasound done.
I finally got to put real clothes on Saturday evening, instead of theraincoat gown they gave me on Friday. It is supposed to be a moisture wicking material that removes the sweat from your body. Obviously, whoever made those has never been a runner or any type of athlete that actually wears moisture wicking materials. That thing was TERRIBLE!!! It made me sweat like a pig and it felt like a shower curtain. I also got to take these lovely compression leggings off, except for when I sleep. They are hot too!
Super Bowl Sunday... spent in the hospital. Not exactly how we had planned it. We finally got the bile acid results back. They were at 25. Anything over 10 is high, but mine have been in the 40's before. However, these were taken on Friday, so it could have changed. And my itching has increased tremendously. I seriously wanted to claw my skin off at one point. They gave me something similar to benadryl for the itching. Tanya said there's nothing that really helps with it, but it would make me sleepy and if I slept, hopefully it would take my mind off of the itching.
This came with my lunch!
Tristan got his first football! Now I have to save it for him and tell him the story of how he got it. I mean, dang, I would have just bought him a football if that's what he wanted! :)
Dr. Taavon and Tanya both came by yesterday. Since they have had Tristan on the monitors, they noticed he is having long periods without as much acceleration as they would like. Tanya said that typically babies around his age sleep for about 45 minutes at a time. His hear rate is remaining steady and very good, they are just seeing periods of 3-5 hours without a lot of movement and acceleration. This could just be his normal pattern, or it could be caused by the cholestasis. It's another one of those things that we just don't know. They want to watch him a little longer because of it though.
This part is scary to me, because they know that decreased fetal movement COULD mean that the cholestasis is getting to a dangerous level. So could increased itching and increased bile acids. But, Tanya said that so much of that is NOT measurable. Like, how much did people's itching increase? And it's all relative. So, being here has sucked, but I'm glad that they are keeping such a close eye on Tristan.
My bp jumped yesterday afternoon to 137/99, and this is with me on the meds. So, I'm not sure what Tanya will say about that today.
We did still have our Super Bowl food last night! :) Rocky went out and bought spring rolls for us to share, wings for him, and grilled chicken strips with wing sauce on the side for me. We watched the game in the room and he stayed with me again. He has truly been wonderful throughout this whole experience. He has taken excellent care of me and made sure that I didn't need or want anything at any time. I told him if he's as good of a daddy as he is a husband, we're going to be alright!
I woke up early with him this morning. He had to get ready and go into work, at least for a little while, since he had to leave early on Friday too. He has a few things he has to get done and then plans on coming back. And with as much waiting as we've had to do so far, I told him I'm sure it will be a while before we know anything today anyway. There is a possibility that we MAY go home today... but then again, they could continue to keep me here for monitoring. Like I said, it sucks being here, but I know they're keeping an eye on the baby, and knowing that he is okay gives me a peace of mind. I think they're going to do more labs today, and HOPEFULLY get the growth ultrasound done, so maybe we can develop a plan and know what the future holds for us. We'll be 34 weeks on Wednesday. That's been our first goal for a while now. Ultimately, we would like to make it to 37 weeks, but we're not sure if my body is going to cooperate. Dr. Taavon said that if we have him at any point now, it will be certain NICU time for Tristan, but it's not a life or death situation. He's okay with how far we've made it, although we're happy with each day that we make it a little further.
So, all weekend I've been trying to give updates, and people have been asking, but there really isn't but so much that we have to update people on. So much of it is wait and see, and things could literally change at any point depending on test results and the monitoring. We have received an outpouring of love, support and prayers through this time and through this whole pregnancy. That really means so much to Rocky, Tristan and me.
But, wow, has this pregnancy tried to teach me patience! Maybe that means I'm going to need more than what I had once Tristan gets here. I'm gonna have my hands full! Haha!
So, I had my regular 2nd doctor's appointment of the week on Friday. Things were looking good, until they took my blood pressure. It was 154/105. Not good. They don't like for the bottom number to be over 100. The nurse said she would re-take it at the end of my non-stress test and see if it had gone down. Nope, 154/114. I knew it had been up since last weekend, but I hadn't seen it this high, and it hasn't been this high at any of my appointments. So, after seeing Tanya, she told me to go home, grab some lunch and my stuff, and come on back to the hospital. I asked if this was for the duration of the pregnancy, or just a day or two. She said she didn't know.
When I got here on Friday, the gave me a gown and a cloth to wipe my belly, just in case I had to have a c-section. Wow...it got real. I mean, I've known the whole time that this was an option... but I wasn't planning on it right then. Sometimes, even though I feel Tristan move, and see my belly getting big, and the nursery is (mostly) ready, it is still very surreal that very soon, we will have a baby. Some fear set in right then.
Once I got settled, they drew blood for the bile acid test. This is one of the most important ones with cholestasis. We had already done regular labs at the office that morning. They hooked me up to monitors to keep an eye on Tristan's heart rate, and they started me on a low dose of blood pressure medicine. Then, we waited for lab results. And waited, and waited. Oh, by the way, my wonderful friend, Marissa gave me this tip... if you're in the hospital for any amount of time, ask for the egg crate thing for the mattress! It really does help! She was a life saver!
Saturday was spent mostly waiting. I saw Dr. Taavon Saturday morning, but he didn't really have anything to update me on. Through Saturday, they noticed the bp meds were working too well and my bp was getting too low, so I think they lessened how much they were giving me. We THOUGHT we would have bile acid results back and that we would get to see Tanya to hopefully discuss our plan. More of that patience building on Saturday. My dad and his girlfriend, and our cousin came to visit on Saturday (although I didn't get to see her, because she brought her 18 month old with her and they wouldn't let her in due to flu season), but it was otherwise fairly uneventful. We did finally get called down for an ultrasound, which I THOUGHT was going to be our growth ultrasound. The tech was clueless. I may or may not have called her Wack-a-do. I hate to be mean, but I seriously don't know if she could have told me her name if I had asked her to. I asked if she could give me his foot measurement, because there is a correlation between the length of the foot and the length of the femur in the leg, in skeletal dysplaisas. She didn't know how to measure the foot. Then she said that I wasn't there for a growth ultrasound. She called Tanya to double check. Tanya WAS going to have her do all measurements, but when she told Tanya that she had never measured arm bones and wasn't sure how to, but she could try... Tanya just told her never mind. So, hopefully today (Monday) I will get to see the specialists again and get the growth ultrasound done.
I finally got to put real clothes on Saturday evening, instead of the
Super Bowl Sunday... spent in the hospital. Not exactly how we had planned it. We finally got the bile acid results back. They were at 25. Anything over 10 is high, but mine have been in the 40's before. However, these were taken on Friday, so it could have changed. And my itching has increased tremendously. I seriously wanted to claw my skin off at one point. They gave me something similar to benadryl for the itching. Tanya said there's nothing that really helps with it, but it would make me sleepy and if I slept, hopefully it would take my mind off of the itching.
This came with my lunch!
Tristan got his first football! Now I have to save it for him and tell him the story of how he got it. I mean, dang, I would have just bought him a football if that's what he wanted! :)
Dr. Taavon and Tanya both came by yesterday. Since they have had Tristan on the monitors, they noticed he is having long periods without as much acceleration as they would like. Tanya said that typically babies around his age sleep for about 45 minutes at a time. His hear rate is remaining steady and very good, they are just seeing periods of 3-5 hours without a lot of movement and acceleration. This could just be his normal pattern, or it could be caused by the cholestasis. It's another one of those things that we just don't know. They want to watch him a little longer because of it though.
This part is scary to me, because they know that decreased fetal movement COULD mean that the cholestasis is getting to a dangerous level. So could increased itching and increased bile acids. But, Tanya said that so much of that is NOT measurable. Like, how much did people's itching increase? And it's all relative. So, being here has sucked, but I'm glad that they are keeping such a close eye on Tristan.
My bp jumped yesterday afternoon to 137/99, and this is with me on the meds. So, I'm not sure what Tanya will say about that today.
We did still have our Super Bowl food last night! :) Rocky went out and bought spring rolls for us to share, wings for him, and grilled chicken strips with wing sauce on the side for me. We watched the game in the room and he stayed with me again. He has truly been wonderful throughout this whole experience. He has taken excellent care of me and made sure that I didn't need or want anything at any time. I told him if he's as good of a daddy as he is a husband, we're going to be alright!
I woke up early with him this morning. He had to get ready and go into work, at least for a little while, since he had to leave early on Friday too. He has a few things he has to get done and then plans on coming back. And with as much waiting as we've had to do so far, I told him I'm sure it will be a while before we know anything today anyway. There is a possibility that we MAY go home today... but then again, they could continue to keep me here for monitoring. Like I said, it sucks being here, but I know they're keeping an eye on the baby, and knowing that he is okay gives me a peace of mind. I think they're going to do more labs today, and HOPEFULLY get the growth ultrasound done, so maybe we can develop a plan and know what the future holds for us. We'll be 34 weeks on Wednesday. That's been our first goal for a while now. Ultimately, we would like to make it to 37 weeks, but we're not sure if my body is going to cooperate. Dr. Taavon said that if we have him at any point now, it will be certain NICU time for Tristan, but it's not a life or death situation. He's okay with how far we've made it, although we're happy with each day that we make it a little further.
So, all weekend I've been trying to give updates, and people have been asking, but there really isn't but so much that we have to update people on. So much of it is wait and see, and things could literally change at any point depending on test results and the monitoring. We have received an outpouring of love, support and prayers through this time and through this whole pregnancy. That really means so much to Rocky, Tristan and me.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Baby Maybe?
Well, tomorrow could be hospital day.
I'll get back to that in just a second. I haven't updated in a little while, because most of everything has been "wait and see." I've had a few mentally and emotionally tough days over the past week or two. I've had quite a bit of anxiety, about nothing in particular, and about everything.
We had our shower this past Saturday. It was great! I had planned to include pictures, but I haven't had a chance to upload them, and tonight has been filled with more important things.
Like packing my bags for the hospital. I had my first bi-weekly appointment today. I knew last week that my labs weren't looking so great. My numbers that need to be up are down, and the ones that need to be down are up. My platelets are dropping, my bile acids and blood pressure are rising. Tanya wants to see how today's labs come back before making a decision tomorrow, but we're getting to the point of needing continuous monitoring. She prefers to err on the side of caution, and with the cholestasis (liver stuff), the risk of still birth is increased. And we don't want to take any chances.
She said if we make it to 34 weeks (next Wednesday), in her opinion, we're golden... if we make it to 35 weeks, that's icing on the cake, and she said if we make it to 36 weeks, we get sprinkles and a candle too! So, I'm still aiming for that candle! But the time in between may just be spent at the hospital.
We still don't have a definite answer from the specialist, and she doesn't think we will without an amnio, before T's birth. If it IS some type of skeletal dysplasia, a natural delivery could put him at a greater risk for neurological damages. So, Rocky and I have discussed (and Tanya is in agreement), that we will probably opt for a c-section, regardless of the next growth ultrasound findings, just to keep Tristan away from any unnecessary risks. We want a healthy baby and a healthy mommy.
So for tonight, I'm packing my bags and waiting to see what tomorrow holds.
I'll get back to that in just a second. I haven't updated in a little while, because most of everything has been "wait and see." I've had a few mentally and emotionally tough days over the past week or two. I've had quite a bit of anxiety, about nothing in particular, and about everything.
We had our shower this past Saturday. It was great! I had planned to include pictures, but I haven't had a chance to upload them, and tonight has been filled with more important things.
Like packing my bags for the hospital. I had my first bi-weekly appointment today. I knew last week that my labs weren't looking so great. My numbers that need to be up are down, and the ones that need to be down are up. My platelets are dropping, my bile acids and blood pressure are rising. Tanya wants to see how today's labs come back before making a decision tomorrow, but we're getting to the point of needing continuous monitoring. She prefers to err on the side of caution, and with the cholestasis (liver stuff), the risk of still birth is increased. And we don't want to take any chances.
She said if we make it to 34 weeks (next Wednesday), in her opinion, we're golden... if we make it to 35 weeks, that's icing on the cake, and she said if we make it to 36 weeks, we get sprinkles and a candle too! So, I'm still aiming for that candle! But the time in between may just be spent at the hospital.
We still don't have a definite answer from the specialist, and she doesn't think we will without an amnio, before T's birth. If it IS some type of skeletal dysplasia, a natural delivery could put him at a greater risk for neurological damages. So, Rocky and I have discussed (and Tanya is in agreement), that we will probably opt for a c-section, regardless of the next growth ultrasound findings, just to keep Tristan away from any unnecessary risks. We want a healthy baby and a healthy mommy.
So for tonight, I'm packing my bags and waiting to see what tomorrow holds.
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